I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death

An introduction for the sake of telling you all who I am? How mundane and trite. I care not who you are, therefore I care not to disclose anything about myself which is no business of yours.

In keeping with what must be done, however, I’ll concede: my name is Professor Snape. Potions Master, Head of Slytherin House… Should these things mean nothing to you, I shan’t indulge your ignorance. I care not for having my time wasted, and there’s nothing more time consuming than explaining to the ignorant what they don’t understand.

If, however, the situation is the contrary… then you’re no doubt well aware of who I am and what I do, therefore I see little point in further explaining myself.

This is clearly an exercise for the self-indulgent. I have nothing more to say that would be of any interest to you.